In the book “The little prince” the fox asks the little prince to tame her. When she says “ if you tame me, then we shall need each other. “ – what she really feels is the need to belong to someone and someone to belong to her. To be a part of something more than ourselves is to belong. I would call belonging a part of feeling connected.   

Who do I belong to? And who belongs to me? Do I belong to myself first? Do I belong to a larger community or do I feel orphaned? Does our culture orphan us by forcing us to split out unwanted parts of ourselves? Why are these parts unwanted in the first place?

Not acknowledging parts of ourselves, especially the ones that are not approved by our society, our community, or even our parents is to create a split within ourselves. When there is a split, where is the room for integration? Without integration how do we call ourselves whole? So does a return to wholeness start with an acceptance of every aspect of myself?

I see this split emerge a lot in family constellation work, and, as we work along and move towards integrating these shadow parts of the self, I see a glimpse of peace on the face of the person seeking integration. There is this softness that comes on the face and it seems to radiate from within. I know then that the process of integration has started within the self.

Is the need to belong is so strong that we are so willing to split and discard aspects of ourselves, just so that we can fit in? What do I continue to do, so that I feel included with my friends, workspace, family? Do I become a different person in different environments? Many of us do this in order to cope with the environment we find ourselves in. We are different people with different groups? Is this the right way? Is there another way? Can we not just let the forbidden parts be seen?

Our sense of connections and belonging is so finely ingrained in our DNA that it goes back to our ancestors. Our forbidden parts are our connections to our heritage and what we carry for our lineage. Do we keep those in the shadows? Where are the honor and due respect if those aspects remain in the dark, constantly being pushed to remain dormant. When we shine light, the shadows no longer look like shadows. We see only a merging with the light. Saying yes to all that lives within us is saying yes to our lineage, and acknowledging that we are not just the “I” but the result of the many that came before us and in the acceptance of every side of “me” I give a place in my heart to all those who have come before me, to give me my place in the larger whole. When I say yes to all parts of me, I say also say yes to all the people in my lineage, from whom these different parts come from. This is when I truly belong – to myself and my line.


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