Can we go beyond ourselves?

RumiCan we go beyond ourselves? Beyond only looking at what is in front of us?

What if we extend our gaze to our parents and maybe even to our grandparents? Does that not  widen our perspective to a bird’s eye view of the story that we have been telling ourselves all our life?

Everything that we do, every thought we think is based on our view of a situation or a person. Many times perspective may even be passed on through generations. I may have had a bad experience with something and I may unconsciously pass it on to my children and this thought pattern can continue over more generations within my family unit.

Someone once mentioned that he always got what he wanted, but he had to really struggle to get it. Things did not come easily and effortlessly to him. This is his unconsious pattern. I believe that unless I work hard I will not see success. I try so hard, do what needs to be done, yet success eludes me. Even though I am aware of this pattern, it seems to stay with me. Is this mine or am I unconsciously carrying some other person’s fate?

We are all influenced and connected to each member in our family – not just our parents and children but our parents, their parents and our ancestors. In the book the “body says no”, Gabor Mate states that  “Parenting is a dance of generations. We as Individuals are a part of a multigenerational family system, where families and systems are a part of a larger whole – the culture and the society they live in. We cannot separate ourselves from this larger whole.” Even if we try to separate from the larger family unit, the energy influence stays with us unless we work on understanding it. In other words we are not alone. We carry our energetic connections with us. Connections that bind us to our larger family.

We may deny our connections to our ancestory. It is far easier to judge, criticize or condemn someone’s behavior or lack of it, than to be in agreement with things as they are. When I see through blurred glasses I see the play of the srory in my head. A story that I have formed in childhood. But if I were to letgo and see the reality of things, I might find agreement in the reality.  There is peace and compassion in agreement. There is  a realization that at that time in that moment  more or less was not possible by anyone. I see glimpses of this truth in constellation work where we step out of our narratives and go beyond ourselves, beyond our parents, back to our ancestors and see the origin of a pattern. We can understand where the pattern came from and give it its proper place within our bigger family system. When we give something its rightful place, we give respect to the person the pattern comes from and we move towards resolution in our lives.

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